A letter to my 1st love


So this goes for the 1st love of my life.

Dear love,
Sometimes I wish I were the comfy quilt in the chilled winter night so that you would have embraced me like you never really did. Or sometimes I wish I were the little puppy of yours that sometimes cries when it hurts and you hold her in your caressing arms, not letting her cry unlike me.

Do you remember the nights I begged you to let me sleep but you didn’t just to finish a useless conversation or the times when the precious pearls couldn’t stop themselves from coming out over the late night call? Oh, how on earth I could forget or you either the time when the knives, sadly three were there but all blunt, held my hand the way no one ever did? Or that 12 am Tuesday night when you kept on calling and bound me to receive them or the time when the first day of my period came and I was screaming in pain but all you wanted was to meet, you cared about yourself not me.

Don’t you miss the smiles, the giggles, the laughter, the pink lower lips, the bright glow of eyes, that wink, the shiny hair, that plaited one, and the innocent face of your baby?

Don’t you miss the child inside an 18 years old girl whom you turned into a frail 5 years old kid who cries because of every little thing?

Don’t you miss the girl whose lips never got tired of taking your name? Don’t you miss the girl whom you used to call with baby, babu, shona, nimona…..endless cute little names?

Sometimes I wish I would not be this much talkative then probably that “BHAIYA” would never be changed into “GADHA.” And sometimes I wish I wouldn’t have entered in your life or you in mine, life would have been much easier to live.

~From the writer whose words hate you still write of you.


A letter to my best friend

 “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”

— C.S. Lewis

So this letter is for the one whom I met after 7 years.

Dear friend,

7 years is such a long time. I never thought I would ever get a chance to meet you again, ah! Kudos to the internet ( your girlfriend :p) for playing the role of a bridge that finally joined the two shores of the rivers that had lost their ways 7 years back.

7 years, so many things are there to be shared.

About me. About you. About this world that we hate at times. About universe. About hatred, anger, depression, frustration and what not. About that something that dies inside our heart every night. About everything that we share in common and that’s what make you say ” we are the same yaar, ditto!”

About the wishes that died with your mom. About the pain, my dad never let us knew.

About everything that exists. About the lack of love within.

Ah! It feels so good that finally after so many years I got someone I can proudly call mine.

The one best friend whose place in my heart was always left divine.

I never knew you were the one,

Until we shared that late night conversation’s fun.

Now, I have someone whom I can call even at 3 am

and can talk for endless hours.

I love all the chutiyapas we did, we do and will forever do.

I feel pity on myself that I’m running out of words today to pen down how much good it is feeling inside to have you as my friend.

Ok, best friend. fine?

Now let me tell you something very clearly that I’m in no mood to talk as I want reasons why you left everything all of a sudden.

A part of me had already died when I got to know about your mom. I cried thinking about you, for you were so frail to bear all that. You were that cute little kid who has grown up into a man today, a man who is strong enough to bear everything that the destiny offers on your plate. I never knew you would become this strong. I even forgot that you existed so as you did, no?

I want you to share everything with me without any condition. I know and I can even understand about the minutes that went like hours and the time when you fail to recognize, it’s morning or Twilight.

I know how it felt like to you when all you wanted was just to wake up and needed someone would tell you that you are dreaming and the thing, the torture and the pain you are feeling is just a part of a nightmare.

I know how it feels. I’ve been through the same for months.

I know how you wanted to quit your life but survived. I know how it feels to shout out loud on a busy road that makes you feel choked inside. I know. I know.

Somedays I wish I were there with you to hold you in my arms, to let you feel and understand that one day everything will be alright and it won’t pain as much as it does now. I wanted to be there but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t.

You can cry, boys do cry. I’m here this time to be that shoulder you can comfortably shed your tears on. I’m here to be that arms you always needed.

I know you don’t need my shoulder and my arms but it’s free dude, com’on ab bhaw to mat kha itna bol diya hai..xD

You are among the best things that ever happened to me. I used to think that all the guys from my town are big creeps but you are an exception and your English, damnnnnnnnn!

You are a true warrior who fought like a boy and are still fighting.

Bache, I’m with you. Teri friend. The one who will stay.

One question 👇

Ha..haa..xD..yaha beijjati mat krna. I know I’m beautiful.

Jokes apart. Ok so let me tell you that I wrote this whole FUCKIN’ piece of SHIT just for you despite having writer’s block. So, yeah I need a treat.

*Give a big round of applause for me”



And yes, be like the way you’re.

Letter to all those who need someone

To all the people who are reading this.

Hi there, I’m here today for a very good cause so I request you to read this and I hope you will read till the end.

Somewhere we all are lost and confused souls, aren’t we?
We don’t know what we should do and what not, we mess up things, we pretend to be strong but forget that even strong people become weak at some point in their life. I, myself used to think I’m very strong but then there were some days when the world seems dead to me, so many people around but no one to listen to me. A strong urge to cry and let people know that yes, I need you. I need someone who will listen to me, I need someone who will listen to my problems, my feelings, my now, my then, my cries, yells, screams, frustration, anger, stories, secrets, and what not. There were times when during nights I didn’t feel myself anymore. I did cry but no single drop to shed. I kept on staring the wall, I kept on searching for myself, I kept trying to hold myself back and have something that my stomach craved for but mind had no appetite. I wanted to scream, I did but there was no sound. I wanted to let my frustration out by breaking things, I did but nothing got broken except for my heart.

It’s okay to get lost, it’s okay to be confused. We all go through the same but what hurts more is when there will be no one to listen to us, no one to show us right path, no one to hug even without knowing the fact that getting a hug can create magic and probably heal everything to some extent, no one to say that, “don’t worry it’s just a phase, don’t worry everything will be fine, don’t worry I’m here.”

So dear people I want you to know something and everything I will write down is true and I mean it.

I’ve gone through everything and I know how it feels when loneliness captivates you to an extent that even when you want others to know that you need them, you can’t really tell them.
I’m here for all those people who feel they have lost their motive in life, who feel like they are worthless and thinking about quitting.
When no one is there, trust me I’m. I know the pain and I can feel. I know it’s not that easy to listen to all those things but I will listen because I know how it feels.
To all those who know me and have talked, I’m just a message away. To all those who have my number, I’m just a call away.
No matter whether you are elder to me or younger, I will listen to you. No matter whether we have talked or didn’t even exchange words till now, trust me I will listen. I will listen to each and every genuine person who needs someone. I’m here. I’m here to help. My experience in this life is just 18 years, I may not be so much mature, I may not help you the way that every problem will end but I’m here with a promise that I will listen.
*spreading cheers*
*spreading love*
*I’m listening*
And to all those who are here for the same cause as mine please let people know you are with them because, with little more of love, no one on this earth will ever get lost.
(P.S. – I mean everything)

Inspiration- Kartikeya Chauhan

A letter to my dad


Dear daddy,

8 years right? It has been eight years since the black and white columns and rows accompanied with soldiers, kings, queens and much more still stare at me in a very strange way and ask me, “Do you remember the last time you played with us?”
Oh! My king still irritates me with the same question time and again that why I won just one time?

Sometimes in anger or out of frustration maybe, I throw away all of them and scream at the top of my voice but sadly with no sound. I end up crying like hell and then a picture, tugged right in front of the wall I supported myself with while crying, stares at me, maybe with anger like the players of the game, they call chess do. I hold that picture close to my heart and feel as if hugging the one, I call daddy.

I don’t really miss you.
Yeah, I don’t.
Please don’t stare me like this.
I don’t miss you.
I told you I don’t.
Ok. Fine. I do M-I-S-S you. Now happy?

Sometimes the flood of tears I shed, even makes fun of me saying “ye lo phir suru ho gyi, kabhi to has liya kr” and I’m like, “Will you shut the fuck up?”

I don’t give anyone the permission to make fun of me, Right daddy? Only you owned that right but hell yeah, you parted your ways away from me and didn’t even think of dropping in sometimes taking permission from God.

I wish there would have been a “LEAVE DAY” as jobs have then probably by sparing a thought for your little angel you would have come to see the scars given by the people of this fucking world.
Or maybe be then you would have hugged your daughter like you did when you first held her in your hands.
Oh! freak it may sound some sorts of ‘pagalpan’ as you will say when I will tell, you guys, that I sometimes feel his presence, when for sure my breathe isn’t heavy but the wind surrounding me is.

Those days of depression I went through, at the tiny age of…ummm…15 maybe, that wasn’t a joke actually. The time when all I wished for, was those arms to hold me that had covered me when I first fell down the staircase.

Oh! daddy do visit sometimes, come even in my dreams, please. All I want is to see you and want to touch your feet whenever I accomplish something and cry remembering the only man of my life.

Don’t worry I don’t cry so much, see 8 years and I’m still living and fighting like a girl.
Love ya.
Yours pagali.